A way forward​

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It’s reasonable to think that your relationship would be better if your partner would change. This is no doubt true! Knowing the changes you want is where couples therapy begins—for both of you.  

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A relationship is a dance of each partners' moves that together make the relationship smooth or bumpy. While you will never be able to control your partner’s moves, you can influence them based on the moves you choose. Change the moves and you change the dance.

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It’s important to know that your moves are yours for good reason. They have served you well to get you to where you are today. However, like everything else, it may be that you’ve now outgrown them and are ready to learn something new. 

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Becoming aware with your own actions that unknowingly maintain or invite your partner’s reactions is how you learn to change the dance. With that knowledge, you are motivated to learn how to give yourself the break you may need to stop reacting, get collected, and begin responding in ways that encourage a respectful connection.

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All relationships cycle through times of ease and upset, sometimes moment by moment. Knowing how to come back from an upset, in a way that is respectful and accountable (repair), supports a resilient and loving bond. 

 

Potential barriers

 

This assumes that your partner is interested and ready to do the same. Couples counselling may not be feasible when a partner refuses to do their work. Terry Real, creator of Relational Life Therapy, highlights how physical violence, ongoing affairs, misuse of substances, and some untreated psychiatric disorders are preconditions that need to be addressed before couples work can begin. 

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I offer a free phone consultation to help you determine if couples counselling is suitable for you and your partner.

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