A way forward
It’s easy to believe that your relationship would be better if your partner would change. Holding onto this conviction helps maintain the status quo and limits your sense of agency.
A more viable and thus hopeful option for the change you're wanting is to instead become familiar with your own behaviours (self-awareness) that support or feed the frustrating or hurtful exchanges.
Couples work involves becoming acutely aware of how you show up in moments of discord to understand the influence your actions have on your relationship. With that knowledge, you are motivated to learn how to give yourself the break you may need to get collected, stop reacting, and start responding in ways that support a respectful connection.
All relationships cycle through times of ease and upset. Knowing how to come back from an upset, in a way that is respectful and accountable (repair), supports a resilient and loving bond.
This assumes that your partner is interested and ready to do the same. Couples counselling may not be feasible when a partner refuses to do their work. Terry Real, creator of Relational Life Therapy, highlights how physical violence, ongoing affairs, misuse of substances, and some untreated psychiatric disorders are preconditions that need to be addressed before couples work can begin.
I offer a free phone consultation to help you determine if couples counselling is suitable for you and your partner.